drug locket

finally it hit me..i understan the sudden desire for these things called TOYS.it started last yr.i started developing a craving for TOYS.these inanimate things that gave me comfort and made me happy.why exactly did i crave them?i never was a fan of such things.it wasnt exactly a hobby tailored for my personality.and yet i felt such an attraction.i felt a need for them.lots of them in fact..

now i understand why i wanted them.lots of them close to me..when im alone at home.when i feel detached from the world.TOYS do not judge me..they do not disappoint me..they do not hurt me..they do not leave me..they would always be mine for as long as i keep.does sound a lil pathetic and feeble..to cower in the face of pain & hurt..and to bury my heart and tears in them.but who else could i trust me to except for them?who else would be able to handle me without hurting.without worrying and without judging.

okay.im just being emo again.

been studying at starbucks..with my dear rabbit.but i usually get bored really soon.and start going into a daze..thinking abt stuff..see..i made a paper crane from starbuck’s serviettes.

met up with ish darling just the other day.had a FULL dinner with her at cme HK style cafe in white sands..yeap.i had chicken baked rice and she ate hor fun. the baked rice was bigger than my face?! zzZ! i only ate 1/3 of it.and i felt like a xmas turkey. zzz.. after that we had a walk around and talked a lil here and dere.i miss her so much. (:

after a lil while..i realised me and ish had smething in common..
LOL? my mirror and her HP accessorie. hahaa..cute eh? hmm..doesnt it remind u of the china and spore girl students ish?? LOL~!! okayy..inside joke.*er-hem*

my darling girl and the shithole of ice cream.
for my dearest..my poor imitation of a polaroid. LOL~
x listenin to : death cab for cutie..again & again….

wow..finally im back in bunk again..haven been working much these days..just feel so bored and so sick of doing things that i find have not much meaning.exams are but an excuse to get me away from work.so i have more time in my life to waste away.just feel like life is so aimless.i dont know what i wanna do with this life.its but a blank page.and after 17 years its become increasingly plain..how is dat so?

arent people supposed to know what they want as they get older?but my mind draws a blank.i dont have a drive for anything.everything just appears so stupid, boring and redundant.its like i suddenly totally do not give a fuck about anything anymore.

and it feels like i lost someone.though theres noone else to blame but myself.mayb im just too pre-occupied with myself i cant open up anymore.its like the world inside me is too much i cant let anyone else inside.i guess im sorry.no, things will not be the same anymore.the sadness cant be explained in words.nor will i drown it in tears.pushing people away i guess is how i deal.though i tried to lie to myself.i guess i saw it cming..well.whats done is done.haha.watch me live.a life in this ugly wretched world.

x listening to : death cab for cutie

rand0m rand0m rand0m.

i was ripped in two.

suddenly feel like life is just so meaningless.

dont you think so? crap.
life sucks. LOL