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okay im in this really fucking disgusting mood.
i kinda envy those pple who always seem to have so many people in their lives to pour their woes out on. it must be nice to always be complaining to different people who actually fucking listen to u. dont see that happening to me.seriously.i cant even think of 1 person who’s sincerely there to listen. im tired. i think i have mastered the art of confiding in my soft toys.LOL.
im tired of being patient, mild, nice, tolerant and what not. tired of them giving me shit treatment. tired of being strong. tired of comforting myself. tired of keeping me company. i hate you.i hate all of you. you fucking shit holes. i hate every day. i hate every night.i hate every moment you sneak back into my thoughts. i hate every moment i push myself forward.
im not crying. guess why. i have mastered the art of holding my tears back. to let myself chip inside. does it matter? when you all see the outer surface. superficial acts satisfying society’s needs. yayy.im happy and im okay. because im so strong! i guess i just dont like to drown in my abyss of self pity. and guess what.i have yet mastered another skill! i am now able to cry without a sound!no whimpers or breathless shrieks. so you all will never knw im crying.
with every day i feel myself building the barriers. i can see. one day nobody will enter this grey room anymore. but just as well dont you think? nobody makes the effort anyway. they just trample over me and leave.
